Although it's been a while since I've updated my blog, I've recently decided it's time to make it a full-time gig. A place where I can document my life's journey and share it with others along the way. Previously I've made countless excuses as to why I didn't update this life journal of mine, but it's now time to buckle down and share what I have to offer to the world.
So for the first post of 2015, I would like to dedicate it to my relationship with my significant other. Since Valentine's day is around the corner, I thought it would be nice to share what I've learned along the way...
1. Remember to love yourself first.
Seems a bit ironic since I wanted to talk about my relationship, but also to make it clear that loving yourself first was at the top of this list. Seriously, there's nobody in this world you should love more other than yourself. I've learned this the hard way--trust me.
As a compassionate individual, I've always placed others before myself. Compromising my own desires by allowing others' opinions and wants reign supreme over mine--thinking that it would make me happier--only backfired. Eventually suppressing my needs caught up to me, making me feel like I wasn't important enough--even though I know that I am. It's not that I didn't love myself per se, it was more along the lines of "if this person is happy, I'm happy" which translated into not valuing my own opinions.
I love Eric in a sense that he reminds me that I need to do what I want to do. And in so many ways, he's teaching me to love myself and discover who I am as an individual.
2. Love is all about giving and receiving.
I'm pretty sure I give more than I receive, but I'm sure he thinks the same way and that's okay. As long as we are equally balanced for the most part, that's all that matters. For any relationship, it really needs to be slightly equal so that one doesn't feel like it's one-sided relationship. I've seen relationships go sour because of the whole "she didn't do this for me" or "he hasn't been doing enough of this..." which eventually lead to arguments and sometimes insecurities.
3. The beginning sets the tone of the relationship.
From my experience, the beginning of any relationship is crucial because it sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. Of course things can change, a persons attitude in life or the way they work on their finances, but a persons behavior is pretty much set early on in life (early childhood). There are a few problems (eating out too often...ahem Eric!) that have carried over throughout the years, but its been getting better as the years go by (sort of)! The one thing I do love about our relationship is that we are risk-takers and seek new adventures whenever and wherever!
There's really no use in worrying about the little things in life. Things that could potentially cause a strain in a relationship is no good and doesn't allow the relationship to progress as you would like. Sometimes it's out of your control when small problems arise, but things get better as time goes on. It's just learning how to deal with the situation that is more difficult than anything. There have been countless times when I've had what seemed to be big problems in my relationship only turned out to be a minuscule compared to the grand scheme of life. What I like to do is try to take some time alone and then come back to the problem after thinking things through. Sometimes it works, and other times it doesn't, but hey, at least I tried!
4. Try not to force anything and let life lead its course.
Long before Eric came into my life, I never understood the idea of "taking a break." For me, it was all or nothing. You want to be with me? Then show me. However, it really doesn't work that way. Since Eric and I got together at such a young age (I was 19, he was 24) we didn't quite know what we really wanted for ourselves and for each other as we grew older. We change as we get older depending on which stage in life we are in; Eric and I were growing in two different directions five years into the relationship.
Eventually in 2013 we took a break.
At the time I was pretty much heart broken and depressed, because the one person who has been by my side for the past five years was no longer with me. We would still talked to each other, hung a little here and there, and comforted one another when moments were rough, but I remember trying to force the relationship back to the way it was, but the reality is, it will never be the same. Looking back, it was a crucial part of our relationship to take that step back, so that we can see the bigger picture, and move forward with our lives.
5. Better to be whole than half.
I'm in love with food, so lets use a food analogy. Think of a pizza pie. Any pizza--your choice. Value wise, it's great to have the entire pie to yourself. Perhaps you'll save half of it for later, but that pizza is completely yours.
I had this mindset that Eric was half a pizza and I was the other half, making us into one whole pizza. Now I think the phrase "you're my better half" is completely wrong. One should always compliment, not complete each other. Like Peanut Butter and Jelly, they are separate entities that go great together, but they are still delicious on their own! It's this mentality that really help progress our relationship on to the next level.
Plus, it's always great to have two pizza pies than just one. ;]
Eric and I have never been a perfect couple and never aim to be, what we do is love and care for each other the best that we can.
Exactly 7 years ago today (February 11th, 2008), I met Eric for the very first time. He came to visit me in Colorado before his trip back to Taiwan. Who knew that weekend would change the rest of my life. I am happy I found someone who I can truly love without hesitation. You taught me how to be compassionate, to be forgiving, and to love. Thank you for staying by my side.
I love you.